What does the UK have that does not exist in the US?

December 22, 2016 By Airline Ticket Centre
  1. First and foremost, decent tea. Thank goodness Teavana came along… and then David’s in the past 10 years. Now if only the supermarkets (which are my next gripe) could get on board and throw out all their shit tea. It’s as if the brands all get together and say “Americans know fuck all about tea, just bag up the shit we can’t get rid of and send it to them. Give it the same brand, nobody will know the difference!” I can assure you, every British person (and in fact anyone who takes their tea seriously) in North America knows the difference, you’re not fooling any of us. Pack that shit in, it’s damaging your brand.
  2. Chocolate… why is it I have to go to the import section in Walmart and pay twice as much for the Cadbury’s chocolate there than I do in the regular candy aisle? I don’t care what you tell me, it does taste different. I don’t know what you do differently with the U.K. Edition than the American Edition but you need to stop ripping Americans off by lowering your standard to Hershey… you’re in a class of your own. Own that.
  3. Pickle – of the Branston Sandwich Pickle variety… not what Americans call pickles, not what Americans confuse with Picallili, the yellow sour flavoured stuff, which will tasty isn’t what you want in your cheese and pickle sandwich. You can find it in some stores, but you’ve gotta know where to look – it’s with the marinades… and marmite for no discernible reason is frequently in the baking aisle. It’s like this stuff comes into the store and they have no idea what it is so it just gets out where they have space.
  4. Decent crusty bread, like, it says crusty on the packet, but crusty is supposed to mean it crunches as your teeth breach the crust, crusty doesn’t mean the outside is brown and soft as a wilted lettuce leaf. You should be able to “knock” on it. What it should say on your packets is disappointingly soft.
  5. Bacon, seriously, who taught your butchers to make bacon? You have world class New York Striploin to die for, ribs unbeatable anywhere in the world, the best hamburgers money can buy, BBQ that would make even the most dehydrated’s mouth salivate but you can’t make a decent fucking cut of bacon if your life depended on it. It shouldn’t be all fat or to the contrary “Canadian” back bacon. Back bacon has no fat… in fact the only way to make it taste good is to fry it in bacon fat, otherwise it just tastes like an old sock; and it shouldn’t be all fat like the strip bacon you sell in the stores. There should be a good amount of meat along with a reasonable amount of fat – just as there is with a good steak, but sliced a couple of millimetres thick.
  6. Savoury pies and pastries you can hold in your hand and eat – these range from things like sausage rolls, toasted ham & cheese croissants to pepper steak slices, Cornish pasties and Pukka meat pies. Those I have found, even in “British” stores are generally awful. They’re not fresh, they’re over cooked, drying them out and they’re not made with puff pastry, but with shortcrust pastry more often used for fruit pies because… I have no idea why, but shortcrust pastry is not the right tool for the job. The secret to a decent meat pie is a decent cut of fresh meat, a starch such as potato or swede (rutabaga) to thicken the gravy from the meat juices as it cooks, salt, pepper, puff pastry, don’t over cook it. The simpler you make it, the better it’ll be.
  7. Speaking of sausage rolls. They’re supposed to be pork sausage. Not beef. Like who makes sausage out of beef? Sausage is pork… hence sausage rolls are pork. I don’t know who decided that sausage rolls should be made with beef here but give your head a shake.,
  8. Decent beer… beer shouldn’t be served ice cold. When it’s ice cold, all those thousands of hours put into perfecting your craft microbrew are wasted when it’s so cold your tastebuds don’t work. I don’t mind it slightly chilled. It should be cellar cold. Not warm as Americans like to think we drink our beer. Oh and I know Budweiser’s a thing, but in the 17 years I’ve been here I’m still not sure how. Perhaps if you didn’t serve your beer at Arctic temperatures you’d realize that beer needs body and flavour and actually needs enough alcohol content to make watching your football players standing around talking instead of doing what they’re paid for, fun.
  9. Sports that run for the actual length of time they’re scheduled for. Einstein obviously hadn’t considered American Football… which uses remarkably few feet considering its name, when he termed relativity. Time is only supposed to run slower as you approach the speed of light, not when you sit down in front of the game. How the last 15 minutes of the game lasts an hour is beyond comprehension. Get your act together.
  10. I’ve never seen anyone drag out so little content over so long as I do in America…for every hour of TV, you have 15 minutes of actual content, 30 minutes of commercials and 15 minutes of flashbacks and drama to remind you what you probably already forgot about what happened before the commercial break. Only on American TV can I watch the first 5 minutes of a show, turn off the TV, go and and make dinner and come back and watch the last 5 minutes of the show and not miss anything of importance.
  11. Commercial free TV – God bless the BBC. God I miss sitting down in front of a 1 hour show and getting a full hour of commercial free high quality content. In fact I’ve stopped watching TV altogether because of this.
  12. Pub culture. I miss having a pub within walking distance of wherever I want to live. Though I drink much less because of it, so I suppose that’s good for my waistline and wallet if nothing else.